Where the worst author scams compete to be sent down the drain.
Every author hopes to receive an unexpected message from an enthusiastic reader, respected publisher, or major media outlet. Unfortunately, some of those messages come from people who haven’t read the book, don’t work for the company, and occasionally forget the question they emailed to ask.
Official Rules of Competition
Every unsolicited literary solicitation arriving in the Ian Spencer Books inbox is a potential contender for the Book Crook Awards.
Contenders will be judged in the following categories:
Audacity
How ambitious is the deception? Extra consideration is given to contestants claiming association with major publishers, radio stations, literary agencies, famous authors, or organizations that have never heard of them.
Fabricated Familiarity
Has the sender claimed to have read, admired, reviewed, or been emotionally transformed by a book they clearly know nothing about? Points increase when the wrong book, genre, audience, or author is enthusiastically praised.
Credibility Costume
How much effort has been devoted to appearing legitimate? This may include stolen professional identities, copied credentials, imaginary partnerships, impressive job titles, suspicious Gmail addresses, decorative logos, or links to the websites of innocent people being impersonated.
Incompetence
Points are awarded for wrong names, missing questions, nonexistent books, contradictory claims, forgotten subject lines, mismatched signatures, imaginary careers, and other acts of avoidable foolishness.
Originality
Routine scams are common. Championship contenders must bring something new to the competition. Previously unseen techniques, creative errors, and entirely original forms of nonsense will be rewarded.
Comedic Achievement
Above all, did the email make the judges laugh? Exceptional phrases, accidental absurdity, excessive flattery, and unforgettable failures may elevate an otherwise ordinary entry.
Scoring
Each contender receives a nominal score out of ten. However, bonus points may be awarded for unprecedented achievement. The scoring system is intentionally flexible because no responsible judging panel should allow mathematics to interfere with comedy.
The highest-scoring active contestant becomes the holder of The Golden Flush. The champion retains the trophy until a more audacious, deceptive, incompetent, original, or entertaining email arrives.
All other contestants receive the traditional ceremonial flush.
Conditions of Entry
- The message must be an unsolicited email received by Ian Spencer.
- It must relate to books, authorship, publishing, promotion, reviews, interviews, representation, or another suspiciously vague literary “opportunity.”
- No reply is necessary. Arrival in the inbox constitutes automatic entry.
- Email addresses and personal information will be redacted.
- Real people and legitimate organizations whose identities are stolen are not contestants and are not affiliated with the competition.
- Entries are judged for their claims and content, not the sender’s nationality, identity, spelling ability, or background.
- The judges may assign nicknames to protect innocent parties and improve the ceremony.
- The judges’ decisions are final, arbitrary, and subject to revision whenever something funnier arrives.
- No purchase is necessary. In fact, purchasing anything from a contestant is strongly discouraged.
